I Have Hope

    It's been on my mind a lot: love. The idea of love. How it started. I'm curious about the whole situation. I love to people watch and finding a couple who are completely infatuated with their other is astounding. I feel like I just hit the observers jackpot. I mean, to have someone so in love with all of you... your bad habits, bad driving skills, the procrastination, all of your flaws in general. I can't imagine someone ever loving those things about me. Trust me, i've got plenty of flaws. Sometimes I get so down on myself, the only thing I can ever see in the mirror is flaws. It's sick. It's so easy to focus on the bad until you're to the point where you start hating yourself, and could never see anyone loving you.
    Have you seen teenage girls doing that to themselves? They put pictures of something they hate about themselves and caption, "Well (insert flaw) is wrong with me. #foreveralone."? Have you seen those? (No? Count yourself lucky.) This is where that stems from. These girls are just more vocal about the whole thing, and a bit more naieve. We as a society are insecure, and afraid of being alone. We see all of these couples together, and the passion that overwhelms them. We become envious, because we doubt that anyone could love all of what we are.
    I often think that I am too serious all the time, and no one will ever see my brick wall persona. I will admit that I am very afraid of being alone. I mean how could anyone love past a broken but powerful brick wall? And if they somehow smash the brick wall, how will the broken brick wall ever find the courage to love, when it has been so damaged in the past? In reality I'm wrong. I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but I am. With time and persistence, brick walls crumble. This is not a bulldozer to the wall, but a loving process to unmask who the brick wall really is. You are not that brick wall. Don't associate your life to that brick wall. You may feel hurt and broken, but that is not who you are. Don't wear your pains like a necklace. That is not how this life is intended to be lived. It may take a while, but brick by brick your wall will fall and you will climb over it. That sounds pretty cliche, but this is my blog.
  I have yet to experience love, but I have hope. I did not have this hope previously, but as I grow older I recognize that my perspective on love has been frayed. I am just now beginning to learn what love is and can truly be. I have hope that a compassionate and powerful love will one day seek out and save me.